As of late, I have been noticing a lot of discussion about “spirit animals”. I’m not 100% sure what it means to have a spirit animal, but one can only assume it’s the real life version of a patronus (Not to suggest that Harry Potter’s not real – I’m always clinging to that possibility). Why this spirit animal craze has come about, I haven’t the slightest clue. I just smile & wave. But seeing as my twitter feed, instawhat, and the myriad other anti-social media platforms I spend time wasting my youth on- they have all bombarded me with unwanted tidbits of info on the spirit animals of various people I both know, and don’t know, I decided it’s high time I investigate this apparently pressing matter – spirit animals.

My queries:
What is a spirit animal? How do I know if I have one? Does everyone have a spirit animal? Do I have to feed my spirit animal? Where do spirit animals come from? And the most paramount question of all, What is my spirit animal?

Buckle up friends, as we embark on a most curious journey, taking a closer look into the mystery that is a spirit animal.

What is a spirit animal?
According to the most universally trusted source, urban dictionary, a spirit animal is described as basically the oddest, most unique shards of your personality living simultaneously within another creature: “In pagan religions and systems, a spirit animal or totem is meant to be a representation of the traits and skills that you are supposed to learn or have. Online, saying something or someone is your spirit animal is a statement that said person or thing is a representation of you or what you want to be.” Sounds like a patronus to me.

Does everyone have a spirit animal?
Yes, even the most spiritless, vapid individuals can have a spirit animal of their own. Although these folks lead a colorless, humdrum existence, there is still a spirit animal out there for them, like Snoopy, Anne from Arrested Development (her?), a PT Cruiser, the end piece on a bread loaf, or Neville Longbottom.

Do I have to feed my spirit animal?
No. They get their energy from the sun, in a process similar to photosynthesis. I won’t bore you with the drab little details.

Where do spirit animals come from?

And of course, what is my spirit animal?
There are a few likely candidates & they are as listed, in no particular order:

Cee Lo Green
I love piñatas


Richard Simmons
I’m a vegetarian. & an eclectic dancer.


“You’re a giraffe!”

Lucille Bluth

“is it noticeable?”

Rick Ross
So much ‘tude.

Arvind Mahankali. Because I almost (& should have) won that 4th grade spelling bee, Derek.

Martha Stewart & Snoop Dogg

Killing 2 birds with one stone on this video. I have a unique vocabulary like Snoop. And like Martha, I’m a culinary wizard, among the myriad of other things we have in common.

The most interesting man in the World, but the female version

Lead singer of Earth Wind & Fire, Maurice White

I really do think that I am him.

Aubrey Plaza

Because I’m severely awkward

& I look forward to old age.

Because I do everything act a glacial pace.


Just like baklava, I am often misunderstood and have many layers.



I’m forever mispronouncing words & no one ever corrects me. Like chammomile, vuvuzela, gyro, Ibiz(th)a, and aspartame just to name a few.

So tell me, you – what is your spirit animal?

Author’s Note: This is what I write about when I’m bedridden for 3 weeks & I’m blaming it on the painkillers. In fact, I don’t even remember writing this.

DAY 165



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