Most people associate Kentuckians with the creatures from that gem of a film “Wrong Turn 2“. Contrary to popular belief, Kentucky is not completely saturated with hillbillies, pigs, and the hybrid hillbilly-pig. While we certainly have our fair share of creatures, we also have a hefty population of winners as well. I am from a rather civilized region of the state, and I can attest the bluegrass state has some noteworthy traits indeed.
Some good things we have to offer:
1. Highway Rationale
We were early adopters of the 70 mph speed limit & thank god. Ohio only just got on board with that, but only after giving me a ticket for “speeding”.
2. The Kentucky Derby
If you don’t like to have fun, then you are not wanted here. You can either roll around with the peasants in the infield, or mingle with aristocracy in the grandstand. Regardless, it will be memorable for reasons you cannot anticipate, because a lot of weird things happen at Derby. The mix of excessive gambling, bourbon, and drunk people yields interesting results, speaking from personal experience. Even when it poured rain, it still ranks high on my list of shenanigans for the past year. As the legendary #3 so eloquently stated, the Kentucky Derby is decadent & depraved.
He’s from Louisville.
4. Land of Lyrical Genius
Did someone say Yim Yames? The cats pajamas. Typically, people associate the state of Kentucky with country music, but trust me, if country music was my only option growing up, I would’ve died. As a matter of fact, the folks I’ve met in Ohio have violated my earlobes with that cousin f&@#ing music more than anyone in the bluegrass ever did. Our most revered musician to be sure is the one and only, J(Y)im J(Y)ames. My Morning Jacket. Their baller performance at Forecastle last year, where they threw bananas at the crowd during a cover of “Careless Whisper” left me speechless, with a banana in hand. It was the best concert I have ever experienced. Video from a different concert but still…
We got way more bananas
5. Muhammad Ali
Need I say more?
6. Jennifer Lawrence
She’s also from Louisville, so we win.
Our most popular & intriguing exports include, but are not limited to: Bourbon, Disco Balls, the devils lettuce, baseball bats, and resin/synthetic rubber
I was raised in the land of bourbon, marijuana, and disco balls, so it’s not surprising that I’m awesome.
“In addition to the fact that 95 percent of the world’s bourbon is made in Kentucky, the state’s other exports include marijuana and disco balls. Ninety percent of disco balls made in the U.S. are made here (specifically in Louisville) and Kentucky is one of the top three marijuana-producing states in the country, along with California and Tennessee.” -Cindy
Alas, we have just ended Bourbon Heritage month, but fear not. There is a 6 month radius on both sides to celebrate.
Just look at ’em all.
9. Kentucky Fried Chicken
I don’t eat meat, so this is irrelevant and repulsive to me, among other things. BUT one thing I noticed while roaming around in Europe was that a lot of people must really like KFC. Every city had a KFC prominently placed in the city center. How unfortunate for society as a whole. But fine, if it’s gonna come from somewhere, I’m glad KY stepped up to the plate. What a cool icon the colonel is, right? Just being a typical bro hobbling around with his cane, supplying crunchy chicken thighs to the world like an elderly, white haired Jesus, but instead of turning the water into wine- it’s fried chicken. Even our friends in Japan get down with the colonels shicken. Well played my man.
10. Red River Gorge
It’s beautiful. Definitely go here during the fall. Rock climbing, camping, hiking. All the activities you can dream of. There is also an amazing pizza place, so yeah.
Kentucky is not so bad after all. As long as you’re in Louisville, or at a Bourbon distillery.